i am here.

I know how you feel. I do. I am hurting with you. I am hurting for you. Do you really think that I gain some sort of satisfaction from watching you suffer? Do you honestly believe that I use people for my personal entertainment? I didn't want this for you. I didn't intend this for you... I only want those things that are good and pure and perfect. I wish you would come to me. I wish you would bring these terrible troubles to me. Sit at my feet. Let me massage that pain... let me relieve your pain... ultimately let me have your pain. It is difficult to see you so discouraged. My heart aches for you. Despite what you may think I do understand how you feel. I know it is hard to understand, but it is in times like these that you must TRUST me.

How can you say you trust me, if you won't even come to me in your time of troubles? I am here ... patiently waiting for you with open arms and an open schedule. I will always be here for you no matter the time of day. I am never too busy. I am never too caught up in my life... I am never tired of hearing your struggle. I am waiting for you. Please just come.

truth.

How do we get a place where we feel that we are entitled to something? How do we come to believe that this life is ours for the taking and for deciding what happens to who and how often? I am exhausted spiritually...mentally... physically...and any other way that one could possibly be exhausted. Just when you think that you cannot deal with another trial... just when you think that enough is enough... He allows more... He brings more. By more I mean more difficulty and more frustrations and more purging ... (at least that is what I have heard some call it).

These "tribulations" that we find ourselves in force us to reason through our faith. They force us to ask questions ...they force us to contemplate all that we have been taught. We know HE loves us, right? So, how do we reason through tragedy? I am not looking for "cliche" responses. Those may suffice some, but they do nothing for me. I am not looking for any one person to have the answer either... because in all honesty I get a bit disheartened listening to others as they strive to rectify the problem. I mean what do you do when you have done all you can (you are exhausted... you have cried more than you care to... you have slept less than you have needed... you are unable to even formulate words anymore for a prayer)... as Donnie sang... his response? "You stand."

You hold on to the truth that has been planted within you. The truth that although there are trials and tribulations swirling around you... there is also purpose in all things that is so much bigger than you. I am just standing right now... well in all honestly I am probably leaning.... because I don't know if I even have the strength to hold myself up. I imagine (and deep down I know this to be true) that the Lord is and has been my support through all of this as I attempt to just stand.